So tonight I got weighed and I am pleasantly surprised I would of been happy to have maintained or gained given the week that I have had, I had had a really amazing week as I have mentioned. Become little miss flirt box 🙂 Go down clothes sizes, doing well at uni. Im even working up the courage to pose in my underwear…I dont think that will happen but I’m considering it. I even went out and bought a corset, something I have not worn for a number of years. So tonight I was really surprised when I noticed I had lost 2 1/2lbs.
They have implemented a new system at group where your not told how much you have lost in case someone overhears and you dont want that – so we have to read our books. I personally dont mind either way.
So I have 4lbs to go to loose a stone which I reckon is achievable before xmas but Im not going to share this with the group in case it goes a bit wrong
Im really looking forword to getting on the scales tonight, and i have no idea as to why, i dont even care if they tell me ive gained or maintained to be honest cos I have had great week, I’ve been out of the house more than ever, talked to people, been to uni and flirted like a mad woman 🙂
Something has happened to me, and I don’t know if I A) like it B) how its happened…
I am not shy, I will honestly talk to anybody, but when it comes to the opposite of sex and flirting I cant do it. I just kinda clam up, I hate it, its pointless, I mean talk to me, dont give me chat up lines. I am a human being but most people want you to ooze wit and sexyness and I dont…pointless and i hate it.
Im not the kind of girl who goes up to guys in bars and starts chatting to them, I’d rather hide in the toilets or hang with the smokers.
But over the last couple of days I have been FLIRTING! or at least I think I have. I’m not sure if i like it. I think this is mainly because I dont know where I want it to go, if i want it to go any where. Im not confident enough to have a relationship, my last proper one was over 5 years ago and I lost what little faith I have in them then.
So I dont know if it is the weight loss that has spurned this flirting, in a subconscious manner – kinda my minds way of telling me “flirt woman!” To make me realise that i should be doing this, with maybe not just one person but with many, but then how do you randomly flirt with people?
So tonight I got weighed and I had lost 3 and a 1/2 lbs, which I have no idea how i have managed to do – I have ate, but I also had Friday night off plan, I felt like eating but not thinking about what I was eating. So I had pizza and cheesecake, but I always eat stone based pizza and loads of vegetables on the pizza and only eat plain cheese cake. I then made kebab on Sunday evening because I totally felt like it, the rest of the week I’ve literally just stuffed my face. I suppose the moral of the story is, I’ve stuffed it with the right things. By losing 3 and a 1/2 lbs it brought my total to 8 lbs and gave me my half stone award, now why I’m please to have received this for some reason I don’t feel overjoyed. I dont know if that makes any sense.
What I have also noticed is that on the weeks that I eat close to 15 syns I lose more weight, where in the weeks I eat 5-6 syns I lose less weight which has made me think that from now on I need to eat more syns. I dont know if this is because I maybe have more weight to lose but I’m happy to eat more syns as long as I am using them for something I want to eat and not just for the sake of eating.
So in celebration of getting my award:
The only issue was I put far too much fresh ginger in it and although it was lovely it was HOT!
I continued thinking about clothing and the massive part it plays in our lives last night and well into this morning, I am beginning to think I am becoming slightly obsessed with it, but my thoughts turned to how we convince ourselves we are a size that we are not, simply so we don’t have to admit to ourselves that we are bigger/smaller than we are.
Think about this ladies and gentleman, if you can squeeze into a smaller size, lay on the bed and pull your jeans up while holding your tummy in, or push your boobs into that bra instead of going up a cup size or a clothes size, do you do it? I think to some extent we have all done this, I know i have a size 14 top in my wardrobe that I bought when I was a 16 but had not lost enough to be a 14, and could simply squeeze myself into the top. It has to be said the top was horrific and looked awful on me but simply because it said 14 on it, it did something to my confidence.
I’ve noticed today that when I look down I don’t see my stomach, I still see my chest something I perceive will never change even when I was tiny I could never see my feet, but I no longer see my tummy.
I’ve been thinking about clothes a lot lately, we wear them every day, for most of us the only time we may be out of them is when we are in the shower so they are a massive part of our lives. For some people they will spend a inordinate amount of time on the clothes that they wear every day not just that special going out outfit or the dress for a presentation evening.
What happens though when your not the average size is that clothing can become a nightmare, you spend hours trying to find some where that will A) stock sizes that will fit you B) have something that you actually want to wear C) have something that you can afford.
What happened to me is that when i found something that fitted me I bought 2/3 of the items but in different colours, sometimes even if it didnt quite suit me but it just fitted and looked ok i would buy it, simply because I had spent hours roaming shops looking for something. I hate nights out because even though I have lots of pretty dresses or tops, I dont have the confidence to wear them. So caught in a vicious cycle – its lovely but i don’t have the confidence to wear it / fits but looks ugly / doesn’t fit but is gorgeous. Daily I seem to spend my life in jeans with some sort of top – t-shirts or vests with cardigans or a long sleeved top, I try to hide my arms at all costs, I have jeans, jeans jeans and if i try to wear trousers I feel wrong same with dresses and skirts – I know this is just confidence and will improve but when did it happen that i spend most my life in JEANS!
Today I have wore a jumper that I would never normally wear, its rather tight and shows off a lot of my back and my cleavage, i bought it years ago simply because I liked the way it hung on the hanger, and never gave it to charity. Ive also noticed that some high waisted jeans I have, have resettled and the button is now sitting rather uncomfortably elsewhere on my waist. Im not complaining but its just tickled me these small changes in my body with clothes.
Theres been radio silence the last few days and I’m sorry, just felt so rubbish. So I did bruise my ribs and my god it hurts like a bitch….I bruised the exact same ones in January after slipping in the shower, and I’d hate to think i actually broke them as that would probably hurt more. I do have a lovely bruise where the shopping trolley hit me though. The doctor gave me Codeine which as pain killer was rather effective but it did nothing for my weight loss, as when i stood on the scales on Thursday night I had only lost half a pound….
I was a little gutted to be honest as I’d ate really well or at least I thought I had and then well it was like popping a balloon, so Im back on my 6+ paracetamol for children (why they make it orange flavour is still beyond me cos its rank!) and im ok unless i try to reach or lift something but im grinning through the pain…
On a plus note, I decided this morning to try a top on that I bought this time last year because i liked it but it never fitted right, this morning it fitted great – so Im currently sat in it feeling pretty chuffed with myself, and thinking I need to consider a smaller size trouser/jeans but thinking im going to wait till mine are a bit baggier.