Eating Your Emotions

This post has taken me a few days to write, I don’t know why. Maybe its because I have to deal with my emotions which is something I’m not good at or simply because I don’t want to deal with the problem at all.

Eating your emotions is not big, and its not clever.

Its what I did this weekend, and I am really not proud of my self.

I have come to realise over the years when I am about to start eating due to an emotional trigger, but this weekend it just got away from me and before I knew it I was eating a scone with cream (not a clever idea when your  lactose intolerant.) Following that, later on Saturday evening I shared a mixed kebab with the other half. Not quite content on limiting the damage to one day, I had another cream scone on Sunday evening.

Part of the issue of this weekend,  stems from the fact that my gran doesn’t seem to much like my other half.  But we don’t know if this is down to medication or just not liking him. This weeks problem probably started earlier in the week when I booked a table at a local restaurant for afternoon tea for 3, and a separate meal for me.  I asked repeatedly everyday if it was ok if he joined us, but come Saturday morning when he arrived to come with us she went into a mood, we decided to go any way but once at the restaurant she refused to speak to any one and continued along this line with refusals of a drink or something to eat. The waitress was coming over to ask for my order and I had to ask for more time as we continued to try and get her to take part in the meal.

In the end she wouldn’t.

I had to tell the waitress that she was unwell and that I would pay for the afternoon teas. Luckily the woman was very understanding and offered to box the teas up for us. When we got home, it ended up with me having to agree that on the weekends when we go out it will just be me, her and my mum as she seems to think we have an entourage, which has upset my other half no end because we have only just managed to organise his work so that he has weekends off. Also because I’m my grandmothers carer, I spend a lot of my time with her.

I’m devastated, I feel like I have been made to chose between him or her, I’m having to split my time between the two of them.  Also my parents are not here every weekend which means I dont time off every weekend so him being able to come out during the day with us was lovely because it meant I could see him. unfortunately I cant put my needs/wants before hers as its not fair to her.  I can understand that she is worried that she may be left if I ever decided to marry ect but that’s never been in my plans. I cant live in a situation where either of them is deeply unhappy though. I am hoping that once they have altered some medications the situation might be come more amicable.

But I didn’t deal with this situation well, I ate. Usually I clean when I’m upset, unhappy, or feel like I want to eat. But no amount of cleaning would save this situation. At one point in the day I felt that down I just wanted to be sick. What I cant get my head around is that she could be so nasty. I know the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

I have spent all this week trying to undo my emotional eating but well not sure how I have faired until Thursday but I have been eating my super free. I have been doing things on the PC this week and have had fruit in front of me to stop me snacking on crap, hopefully limiting the damage. I’m still trying to eat my anger and unhappiness, but I keep reigning my self back. Might go stand on the sea front and scream. It wont do any good but it might make me feel better.

 

 

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