Growing Up

Picture the life you dreamed of living. The person you pictured being with. Picture the job you dreamed you’d have. Are you living the life you envisioned for yourself? Are you who you wanted to be when you grew up? Open your eyes. Take a good look around you. How’s the view? Do you like what you see? Think back again to when you were little. Are you living the life you pictured for yourself? Or are you still dreaming of something even bigger?

Last night I watched Greys Anatomy, and that was the opening quote…..I never imagined growning up, I know that sounds a bit weird but I was never one of those girls at school who had their life all planned out. I didnt have my kids names picked out by the age of 10, I didnt know if I wanted to be a nurse or a teacher or a company director. I just never saw my self as getting old. I was always acedemically able, had friends and was popular, but I kinda just went with the flow. I didnt picture being with some one. I didnt envision any of those things. I wonder if this has something to do with my weight.

If you never plan long term you dont care, so the fact you’ve just ate a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar with full fat coke for breakfast escapes your notice. I’ve now got to 28, and had to relaise that not only have I grown up, but that I am going to be on this plantet for a while, so what I fuel my body with matters. I cant keep eating rubbish – I would like to state that it has been about 10 years since I have ate a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar with full fat coke for breakfast, hell I have not drunk full fat coke in about 15 years!.  I still have no idea what I want to be, when I eventually grow up…I’ve got time to work on that plan, Im working on the uni degree, and I have actually began to work on the the pile of assignments that I have been avoiding. It is a dribs and drabs process because I am not getting much sleep, but its progress, which is an improvement.  I have until the end of May, which is not long but feels like an eternity when you have been doing a degree for three years and are close the end.  Adfter that I have no idea, I was considering doing a teaching degree, or another degree…..but I seem to have setteled on doing nothing.

Along time ago I elimintated people from my life that had no reason for being there, I stopped drinking, so the people who I used to go out with nearly every night with and get drunk with, they went. The people who promised to turn up to hang out, to go see a movie or go shopping and never did, they went. The ones, who never text back or lied repeatedly they went, I didnt need the drama, there are reasons for this other than just the drama. I may seem cruel but after a while it gets boring and tiring there are only so many times you can get ready to go out, get your self excited to go out, see a film, what ever and have some one cancel because they get a better offer.

Do I like what I see?

Nope, I like parts of what I see, there are things I want to change and will change. I have a degree to finish,  a life to live, to figure out what I want to do and how to get there…..hopefully changing  myself along the way.

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5 thoughts on “Growing Up

  1. As a child all I wanted to be was a child, and as a grown up, I still sort of want to be a child, because I have nothing figured out and I’m not passionate about anything. It’s hard to do things when you are chronically undecided. I can relate to this post so much, and it helps to know that someone is going through something kinda similar to me. So thank you for posting!

    • I don’t think what helps is that by 18 here in the UK we are supposed to have it all figured out, that we are supposed to know what we want to do, to go and get a degree in that area, or be on a training course or working towards it or else we are seen as some kind of screw up. Other wise we seem to go through life and through life and have a mid life crisis and then change it all or live unhappily or happily as the case may be. Maybe having nothing figured out is the answer, maybe that makes us happier, although it would be nice to occasionally be able to make a decision with out it seeming like I’ve had to spend a week on it!

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