Restart

I have some big news….Well here goes, I got engaged, who ever would have saw that one coming? Apparently everyone, its the done thing.

I love my partner, I love the idea of being married, but I hate the idea of a wedding! I’d honestly would rather put needles in me than stand up in front of people, in a princess dress and stand for photos, I know that I don’t have to do either of these things but coming from surprisingly traditional families, it seems to be expected. My idea of lets just bugger off to Vegas and get married in shorts and a t-shirt, didn’t seem to go down too well either.

One thing all of this has made me think about is the future – weddings, houses, babies, growing old and over the last couple of months I have come to the realisation that I dont want to be doing all of that with the weight of another person attached to me. So what do I do?

Well I did this yesterday : 

I went back to my group, and there are a few familiar faces there, but I still had a panic attack in the car. It was really difficult, when I was last there I was 3st lighter, and I was imagining them looking at me and thinking “Bloody hell she’s piled the pounds on” but they can think that if they want to, I got off my backside and went back.

I’ve also booked an appointment with the Dr, this one is going to take more talking myself into than the group, I’ve booked them before and ended up discussing something else. I was also told before that there was very little they would/could do for me, but it has to be worth another try? Surely?