Challenge yourself? Big News!

I like to think I live by the mantra “If it scares you – do it!”

In the past this has been running 10km, flying to Amsterdam to meet a friend on my own, going back to university at 25, so with that I would like to introduce you to my new challenge :

Swimming 22 Miles – The length of the English Channel- for Aspire the Spinal Injuries Charity, as every eight hours someone is paralysed by a Spinal Cord Injury and there is currently no cure.

I have 12 weeks in which to complete the challenge, but I’m aiming to do it in 10 with 2 weeks as a contingency plan. Here’s the scary bit – it is 1686 lengths of the pool and that works out to 168 lengths per week.

So I am a real life Dory – Just keep swimming. I start on the 12th of September and I am so excited to start, just to prove to myself that I can complete this challenge.

If you fancy sponsoring me – I have included the just giving link below just press the button, any amount no matter how big or small would be brilliant. Thank you in advance.

JustGiving - Sponsor me now!

 

I will of course keep you updated with the progress

 

 

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Small victories 

So I went and saw the nurse today, and the results where good.

The appointment was at 2:40pm so because I’m a superstitious kinda person I didn’t eat or drink before I went to the nurse – because of course that banana is going to add a stone to my weight! 

So I was starving which always puts me in a happy mood, but I had lost weight, 5lbs in the month which meant that I could continue with the orlistat if I wanted to. 

I explained the nurse that I wasn’t sure if it was making me ill- I constantly have stomach ache (either dull or really strong) and I don’t think they are working most of the time. We agreed that I could take a month or two off them and see if it was making me ill. So little victories!!! I’ll keep you posted as to how I get on and tomorrow is slimming world weigh day, here’s to a hopeful loss! 

Introvert?

Its not that I hate people, but most of the time I cant stand to be around them. I would rather be in the garden or with a select few people than out drinking or in a crowd. I honestly never use to be like this and I have no idea what changed but I can think of nothing worse than the examples mentioned above.

So it was my Mother in Law to be’s 60th birthday tonight and I adore her, she has took me into her family as one of her own,  and we where going out for a meal. Now this is something me, my partner and his parents do on a regular basis, but his brother and his partner would be joining us.

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I always feel like the fat poor relation in comparison to her, and I know I shouldn’t compare because we are honestly nothing alike but its hard not to. I live in knee length shorts or jeans, I usually have mud or engine oil under my nails from helping the other half with a car, not perfectly manicured nails, tan and hair perfectly done. Don’t get me wrong I scrub up well, I straighten my hair and my make up is always tasteful, but I just feel like  a bit of a failure as a girl. But the girl with the muck under her nails and who lives in shorts and no make up is the girl my other half fell for, not some made up version.

Its a weird scenario going for dinner with couples who have been together for a significant amount of time and know each other, as they always have lots of stories and things to discuss with each other, which means that you as the “youngest” couple end up kinda on the outside – is it rude if we just sit and talk to each other, when we are not being included in the conversation, and its about things that we don’t know /care about?

I had steak, jacket potato and beans, lots of beans….don’t sit next to me tomorrow.  I normally have salad with it, and a small side of beans but they had no salad….how can a resturant run out of salad?? could nobody nip to Tesco??? it was nice though and I had a 1/4 of a peice of garlic bread, but it was greasy and floury so after 2 bites I didnt want any more – I no longer like greasy. I avoided the cake, but again not a big cake eater and had some fruit when we got in and felt better for this. I would of loved salad though, with the steak or chicken breast but no such luck so I had to make the best choices from a very chip heavy menu.

 

Welcome to Disappoinment

Have you ever made plans with some one, and despite best efforts they have to change/alter them and you feel really annoyed by this.

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Trying to lose weight on your own is at best difficult, but I’m the only person in my house doing it, my partner can eat like there is honestly no tomorrow and because I live with my Gran who actually needs extra calories some times it just feel’s like I’m hitting my head off the wall…in fact at times that might be easier option than trying to feed different people the meals they need/want.

I was really happy as on Friday night because my partner came swimming with me. I’ve set my self the target of trying to do some sort of activity everyday. It does not need to be really challenging but just to move my body. The plan was when he finished work on the Saturday to go for a bike ride. Now I am getting adventurous, I don’t just want to keep riding round the same places…have bike rack will travel.

So Saturday I sat, thinking should I go out and go for a walk, as it was a nice day – I spent the day doing washing and making candles. My partner text saying he needed to nip to his garage for a hour, this was at 3:30pm, at 5:30pm he came in and said a bike ride wasn’t happening. Well…..How do you hide your disappointment,  I’d been envisioning a nice ride along the River Tees or through the woods or park. I got a trip to the headland.  Which then impacted on what I ate as I was unhappy = junk food!

The weekend only got worse from that point on to be honest, maybe it was my mood as I was unhappy from Saturday night, but Sunday took a horrid turn, birthday present shopping and my other half went in a bit of a strop with people walking in front of him, or stopping and his brother being a numpty, and I got it all took out on me.

So now what? Its Monday and I’m debating going swimming tonight just to make myself feel better.

Disheartened.

So today an ambulance pulled up outside my house, and the team where going into my neighbours house. Well my road isn’t massively wide so I thought, “I best move my car”.

The only problem with this was I was wearing the world’s worst jogging pants (I’m doing the housework today) so i nipped to change. I grabbed out pair of jeans and went out to move my car. All the time I was conscious of the fact that these jeans where a bit tight, especially around the thigh area, so once inside I looked and they where a size 22.

I’m, normally in a size 24, and they are only held on by my hips, but surely at nearly 2st down I should be a dress size smaller, or at least a jean size! It made me feel really unhappy, I keep putting off trying smaller clothes for this exact reason.

Today was weigh day and I lost 1.5lbs which in all honesty was about 1lb more than I was expecting.  I don’t know maybe I’m just feeling like my backside today and should go give my head a wobble.

Fat Lass On a Bike

I was heckled!

I am actually really happy with this, its totally unacceptable that some one thinks they can do this to someone but it made the last mile back on my bike so much easier as I thought “UP YOURS!”

My other half has gone to Leeds for a exam tomorrow so I asked him to bring my bike down so that I could put it in the car and go for a ride on my own! With all the problems with my back, I thought it would be a good idea to ride the sea front, as it is relatively flat, which when compared to the ride to my grans house is like a dirt road.

So off I set, head phones in and I was away….the first mile and a half where tough I’m not going to lie, the wind in my face makes it difficult to breathe and I had to stop to take my inhaler. Once I had done this I continued a bit more and once I turned around and got the wind on my back it was so much easier, but on the way back I was heckled by a group of lads on bikes coming towards me, because of the headphones I didn’t exactly hear what they said but them laughing kinda gave me the impression of it. I could of just stopped and not continued to ride but No, I’m getting off my ass and doing something.

I might be bright red, a bit sweaty and look a mess but I don’t, I was having fun. I love cycling. I’m not particularly fast or have skill but i love it. I’m not stopping. I continued for the last mile happily on my bike looking over the sea front listening to my music. I’ll hopefully be there tomorrow too.

I cant wait to get weighed on Thursday, I dont care if I lose or gain because I’m having fun, eating well and moving my backside.

 

Mixed

I hate going to the Dr’s to discuss my weight,  it takes me weeks to build up the confidence just to go and speak to them. Previous experience has given me the expectation that they don’t care or see me being there as a bit of a joke.

 

So knowing that it was going to take me a while to build myself up to this, I booked an appointment 3 weeks ago, so that everyday I could talk myself into it. Even this morning I was going to cancel. I made sure when I booked the appointment it was with a female Dr that I felt comfortable with. I didn’t know what I wanted but help, not sure what the help was that I wanted though. The question didn’t help when she asked me what I wanted as I honestly didn’t know.

The appointment was thoroughly awful, she was asking me what exercise I did and told me that I need to do more (I already knew this), that in order to get any sort of help from them I need to loose at least 1 1/2 st, and that she would refer me to a exercise programme and just to be on the safe side check my bloods again for thyroid problems and diabetes. Oh and they will put me in their weight management clinic.

I’m not sure what I feel about all of this. As stated earlier I went in not knowing what I wanted, but 1 1/2st is a lot to loose, and I’m well aware of the amount of weight I have to loose. Now all I can think about is that number. This time though she seemed to take my concerns seriously, especially since I’ve gained 2 1/2st in 2 months and all this with out changing what I eat.