Challenge yourself? Big News!

I like to think I live by the mantra “If it scares you – do it!”

In the past this has been running 10km, flying to Amsterdam to meet a friend on my own, going back to university at 25, so with that I would like to introduce you to my new challenge :

Swimming 22 Miles – The length of the English Channel- for Aspire the Spinal Injuries Charity, as every eight hours someone is paralysed by a Spinal Cord Injury and there is currently no cure.

I have 12 weeks in which to complete the challenge, but I’m aiming to do it in 10 with 2 weeks as a contingency plan. Here’s the scary bit – it is 1686 lengths of the pool and that works out to 168 lengths per week.

So I am a real life Dory – Just keep swimming. I start on the 12th of September and I am so excited to start, just to prove to myself that I can complete this challenge.

If you fancy sponsoring me – I have included the just giving link below just press the button, any amount no matter how big or small would be brilliant. Thank you in advance.

JustGiving - Sponsor me now!


I will of course keep you updated with the progress




Just Remove Me From The Picture.

So although I stay at my Grans to provide care, I actually live with my mum and dad,  my room is still there with all my stuff and I stay there occasionally if I’m not staying with my partner.

The issue of this post though is that for the last few months my brother has being pestering me to swap rooms because I have the bigger room. I finally gave up and said OK, so my lovely dad measured up for shelves and a wardrobe, as mine would be left behind because it is huge.

I went to my mums on Tuesday to begin to sort out my room and my mum was helping as and when she could (she was dealing with my gran and cleaning) well by the time my dad had come in at 3pm I was in tears. Not only had I sorted through 2 cupboards but I couldn’t face moving room. I was being forced by my brother to chuck out things that are special and sentimental to me so that he could move room. The really annoying thing is that until he got a girl friend he didn’t even want my room! I honestly felt like I was being chucked out of my own home, at which point my parents said that I was staying put.

While sorting through any amounts of junk, I found a size 14 top….yes i used to be that small at one point. I also found some old jeans that are tiny and its hard to believe that I used to be that small. And photos…lots of photos, me with a flat stomach and showing my arms freely- let alone being photographed, I know where I started to gain weight, about 19/20 ish and these are before then, and I’m happy smiling and clearly loving life. There is even one of me in a bikini top, couldn’t believe that one! I will find the photos again and post some of them.

Eating Your Emotions

This post has taken me a few days to write, I don’t know why. Maybe its because I have to deal with my emotions which is something I’m not good at or simply because I don’t want to deal with the problem at all.

Eating your emotions is not big, and its not clever.

Its what I did this weekend, and I am really not proud of my self.

I have come to realise over the years when I am about to start eating due to an emotional trigger, but this weekend it just got away from me and before I knew it I was eating a scone with cream (not a clever idea when your  lactose intolerant.) Following that, later on Saturday evening I shared a mixed kebab with the other half. Not quite content on limiting the damage to one day, I had another cream scone on Sunday evening.

Part of the issue of this weekend,  stems from the fact that my gran doesn’t seem to much like my other half.  But we don’t know if this is down to medication or just not liking him. This weeks problem probably started earlier in the week when I booked a table at a local restaurant for afternoon tea for 3, and a separate meal for me.  I asked repeatedly everyday if it was ok if he joined us, but come Saturday morning when he arrived to come with us she went into a mood, we decided to go any way but once at the restaurant she refused to speak to any one and continued along this line with refusals of a drink or something to eat. The waitress was coming over to ask for my order and I had to ask for more time as we continued to try and get her to take part in the meal.

In the end she wouldn’t.

I had to tell the waitress that she was unwell and that I would pay for the afternoon teas. Luckily the woman was very understanding and offered to box the teas up for us. When we got home, it ended up with me having to agree that on the weekends when we go out it will just be me, her and my mum as she seems to think we have an entourage, which has upset my other half no end because we have only just managed to organise his work so that he has weekends off. Also because I’m my grandmothers carer, I spend a lot of my time with her.

I’m devastated, I feel like I have been made to chose between him or her, I’m having to split my time between the two of them.  Also my parents are not here every weekend which means I dont time off every weekend so him being able to come out during the day with us was lovely because it meant I could see him. unfortunately I cant put my needs/wants before hers as its not fair to her.  I can understand that she is worried that she may be left if I ever decided to marry ect but that’s never been in my plans. I cant live in a situation where either of them is deeply unhappy though. I am hoping that once they have altered some medications the situation might be come more amicable.

But I didn’t deal with this situation well, I ate. Usually I clean when I’m upset, unhappy, or feel like I want to eat. But no amount of cleaning would save this situation. At one point in the day I felt that down I just wanted to be sick. What I cant get my head around is that she could be so nasty. I know the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

I have spent all this week trying to undo my emotional eating but well not sure how I have faired until Thursday but I have been eating my super free. I have been doing things on the PC this week and have had fruit in front of me to stop me snacking on crap, hopefully limiting the damage. I’m still trying to eat my anger and unhappiness, but I keep reigning my self back. Might go stand on the sea front and scream. It wont do any good but it might make me feel better.



Oh So Tired.

I was really hoping that my B12 injection would work wonders and that I would feel warm, my nails would stop breaking, along with my hair and I would more than anything stop feeling like I need a nanna nap constantly.

Guess what?

It didnt work.

I am constantly tired still but I think this is more due to the fact that I am currently running around after both my mum and gran, usually one is bad enough! But at least its exercise? I never seem to sit down, if I’m not washing something, I’m getting something or cooking something or cleaning something up. I dont mean this as in a normal house work type way but in a looking after 2 grown women type way. Today I had a hospital appointment and a GP appointment as well as the weekly shop and this all meant lugging the wheel chair in and out of the car as well as manoeuvring it around the places.

Today, my lovely other half cooked me steak and actifry wedges for tea, having told me to bring salad with me and it was lovely 🙂 I really love some one cooking my tea for me and it was more special because someone was looking after me, even if it was as simple as making my tea. He’s a lovely man my other half, not only because he puts up with me but because he has turned into an amazing chef.

So weigh in is on Thursday and I dont know what to expect, I’m hoping for a loss, this way I will be happy no matter what the outcome.

I have been writing this post for days, but every time I get half way through I hear my name called and then have to go and do something and by the time I come back I have lost my flow.

I currently have my mum and Gran both calling my name at least 2o times a hour for various things, I dont mind this but I will eventually meet my self coming back. Both my brother and my father work all day and I look after my gran so my mum has come to join us in our bungalow with her crutches and pot.

We go away in less than a week and it is usually a chance for me to have a bit of a break but I dont see that happening as my mum is out of action, but I have decided that while on holiday I am going to go to a group and get weighed. There is a group on my normal day but the times are slightly different, this could effect my weight which is something to be aware of but I feel that it is better to keep up with getting weighed on the same day rather than putting holidays in.

On the plus side of being in so much it has meant that I can cook more. Tonight I made the Burger in the Bowl recipe and it was soo lovely, I had it with wedges and added more free and super free foods to the burger mix just to make it more tasty. The family all said they would have it again so that is a bonus!


Burger In A Bowl

Good Things

Good things come to those who wait, isn’t that what they say? Well I’ve been waiting a very very long time. Tomorrow I go away for the weekend with my boyfriend for the weekend, this is the first time we have properly gone away on our own. Not to visit family or friends ect, but just the two of us, together. I’m rather excited about it, we are going to York for the day on Saturday, and out for tea tomorrow night.

There is more good news, though today while at my class I got a surprise phone call from one of the lads at uni, he was asking me if I knew that our uni results had been published. This came as a bit of a shocker. 

Due to the fact that our lecturer went on sick leave from October till March and the substitute didn’t start till November, then we ended up with 2 of them, with our original leaving at the end of April with the substitute thinking he had taught us the assignment work, and vice versa. Needless to say no one had and the uni had to extend our assignment because we couldn’t practically do it, we didn’t have the skill set. This means that 2 of our 4 units have been deferred till the summer boards sit in September and we don’t get re-sits, but we were all expecting to get our results then. So the phone call today came as a bit of a shock as. 

Well, I got weighed and turns out that I’d need not worry because I had lost 2 lbs, taking my total to 9lbs in 4 weeks and I got my Bronze body magic award today so I was super happy. I’m going to stay on plan while I’m away over the weekend as I dont want 2 nights away to possibly undo some of my good work. I had to sit through group like a excited child at christmas, when all I wanted to do was check my results!




 When I finally got home and managed to log on to the uni systems ( have you noticed, you only ever have trouble getting in when you really need to be in, in a hurry!) I found my result and it turned out that I had got 66 in one module and 80 in the other. To say that I was ecstatic would be a understatement.

I have to wait till possibly the end of September to get the rest of my results but just to know that I was able to complete those modules with those grades has given me hopes that I will be complete the other 2 with either the same if not better. 

The Little Things

Its said in a relationship that its the little things that make you fall in love, and its true. 

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 8 months and we said “I love you” when it was appropriate, but even now every day I fall more and more in love with him. 

We are not a flashy showy couple, we don’t do big romantic gestures – he doesn’t turn up at my door with flowers (I’d ask him what he had been up to if he did!) and I don’t buy him gifts ect but we do do nice little things for each other. 

Friday night I went to the supermarket and bought some nice steak for tea tonight, I told him of this and he said he would get some bits and bobs to go with it. This morning he text me to ask me if I wanted anything from the supermarket as he was popping there, and the next thing I knew he text me to say that he had bought us something lovely for dessert. When he picked me up, he had a really cheeky happy look on his face as though he was up to something – which instantly gets a girl suspicious- turn out he had bought this lactose intolerant girl Alpro Soya Single Cream 🙂

So as we are sitting down to eat our dessert after the lovely steak that he had cooked for us, I ended up in tears because he had bought me Soya Cream!  No man has ever done any thing that nice for me.