Hi internet peoples,

How are we all today? Good rainy weekend where you are too?

Well if you didn’t guess from that introduction its rather pouring down here, its not stopped all day and to top the weekend off my mum has took both my water proof coat and hoodie to the caravan with her. So that means unless I want to wear a huge winter coat thats not waterproof and weighs a ton when wet I have no proper coats to go out in the rain with!

So given the weather I’m currently sat watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix with strong, sweet black coffee, and a Choc Orange Hi-Fi bar. I’ve never been a one for Hi-Fi bars I tried the Rocky Road ones and to be honest they where rather nice, but some people are bar/cereal bar type people and I’m not one of those.

On Thursday though I thought I’d wander over to the “sale” table and have a look for a cook book I wanted, which they didn’t have. I saw the Choc Orange ones and the Double Choc Crisp bars, I’m not willing to give up my healthy B of  bread, I love bread but at 3 Syns a bar, I am willing to waste 3 syns.

The Double Choc Crisp ones where not my thing, they where nice but I don’t know if I would buy more, as for the Choc Orange one OMG! its like eating a jaffa cake and I love them, honestly I could eat more than one in a sitting but I have to be restrained and control myself.

On a side note, I’ve not had stomach ache since I stopped taking the orlistat,  I’ve been eating food with out wanting to vomit during or after eating. I’m excited about food again, I’ve made lasagna for tea tonight with enough free/ speed food to kill some one I’ve also taken to putting bacon and gherkins in it, you guys should try it.

Any way, the next blog post will contain my big news, there are  just a couple of finishing touches to put to it but I’m really excited about it!

LMC

X

Small victories 

So I went and saw the nurse today, and the results where good.

The appointment was at 2:40pm so because I’m a superstitious kinda person I didn’t eat or drink before I went to the nurse – because of course that banana is going to add a stone to my weight! 

So I was starving which always puts me in a happy mood, but I had lost weight, 5lbs in the month which meant that I could continue with the orlistat if I wanted to. 

I explained the nurse that I wasn’t sure if it was making me ill- I constantly have stomach ache (either dull or really strong) and I don’t think they are working most of the time. We agreed that I could take a month or two off them and see if it was making me ill. So little victories!!! I’ll keep you posted as to how I get on and tomorrow is slimming world weigh day, here’s to a hopeful loss! 

Just Remove Me From The Picture.

So although I stay at my Grans to provide care, I actually live with my mum and dad,  my room is still there with all my stuff and I stay there occasionally if I’m not staying with my partner.

The issue of this post though is that for the last few months my brother has being pestering me to swap rooms because I have the bigger room. I finally gave up and said OK, so my lovely dad measured up for shelves and a wardrobe, as mine would be left behind because it is huge.

I went to my mums on Tuesday to begin to sort out my room and my mum was helping as and when she could (she was dealing with my gran and cleaning) well by the time my dad had come in at 3pm I was in tears. Not only had I sorted through 2 cupboards but I couldn’t face moving room. I was being forced by my brother to chuck out things that are special and sentimental to me so that he could move room. The really annoying thing is that until he got a girl friend he didn’t even want my room! I honestly felt like I was being chucked out of my own home, at which point my parents said that I was staying put.

While sorting through any amounts of junk, I found a size 14 top….yes i used to be that small at one point. I also found some old jeans that are tiny and its hard to believe that I used to be that small. And photos…lots of photos, me with a flat stomach and showing my arms freely- let alone being photographed, I know where I started to gain weight, about 19/20 ish and these are before then, and I’m happy smiling and clearly loving life. There is even one of me in a bikini top, couldn’t believe that one! I will find the photos again and post some of them.

Introvert?

Its not that I hate people, but most of the time I cant stand to be around them. I would rather be in the garden or with a select few people than out drinking or in a crowd. I honestly never use to be like this and I have no idea what changed but I can think of nothing worse than the examples mentioned above.

So it was my Mother in Law to be’s 60th birthday tonight and I adore her, she has took me into her family as one of her own,  and we where going out for a meal. Now this is something me, my partner and his parents do on a regular basis, but his brother and his partner would be joining us.

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I always feel like the fat poor relation in comparison to her, and I know I shouldn’t compare because we are honestly nothing alike but its hard not to. I live in knee length shorts or jeans, I usually have mud or engine oil under my nails from helping the other half with a car, not perfectly manicured nails, tan and hair perfectly done. Don’t get me wrong I scrub up well, I straighten my hair and my make up is always tasteful, but I just feel like  a bit of a failure as a girl. But the girl with the muck under her nails and who lives in shorts and no make up is the girl my other half fell for, not some made up version.

Its a weird scenario going for dinner with couples who have been together for a significant amount of time and know each other, as they always have lots of stories and things to discuss with each other, which means that you as the “youngest” couple end up kinda on the outside – is it rude if we just sit and talk to each other, when we are not being included in the conversation, and its about things that we don’t know /care about?

I had steak, jacket potato and beans, lots of beans….don’t sit next to me tomorrow.  I normally have salad with it, and a small side of beans but they had no salad….how can a resturant run out of salad?? could nobody nip to Tesco??? it was nice though and I had a 1/4 of a peice of garlic bread, but it was greasy and floury so after 2 bites I didnt want any more – I no longer like greasy. I avoided the cake, but again not a big cake eater and had some fruit when we got in and felt better for this. I would of loved salad though, with the steak or chicken breast but no such luck so I had to make the best choices from a very chip heavy menu.

 

Syns Syns Baby!

Syns! Syns! SYNS!!! if your following slimming world you get syns, which can be used for the naughty but nice’s of the world…that chocolate bar at lunch, or the coffee with friends or the piece of birthday cake that you just cant refuse.

Any one who has ever done slimming world will know that Syns, are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because they allow you to eat the treats, you can save them up for a special occasion or the weekend, or use flexible syns if you chose. Some people have their syns all worked out for the week pencilled into their meal plans so that they know what they are doing. Personally I’m not that organised, I go on a day by day basis and I think this is what the majority of people do.

So how are they are curse?  Well, if you have 15 syns for the day and the total of the syns you want to use is 17….thats 2 over, do you take the 2 off tomorrow and just have 13??? or let those 2 slide?

The problem with letting them slide is that it can become a habit, “oh its only 2 syns, it doesn’t matter”. but all those 2 syns add up, if I let 2 syns slide every day by the end of the week that is a total of 14!! 14!!! that is a whole day’s worth of syns.

So here comes the question, what do you use your syns for? 

Personally, I try to add mine to my meals, I’m not a big chocolate eater, I’m more of a bread girl…I can devour entire loves in minuets, its a talent I give you that.  So I have extra bread, or a pitta with my tea, but I’m open to ideas, so hit me with them!download

 

 

Unexpected Compliments

So as you know, after my tiny rant the other day that I’ve endeavoured to do some sort of physical activity everyday, well I’m continuing as I feel loads better for it, my skin looks better and my energy levels are up.

Like most women, I worry about what I look like in a swim suit, and being bigger I worry that people will comment on my choice of suit, the colour, the fact that I’m even going swimming and showing off so much wobbly bits!

Well last night after getting out of the water I nipped to the loo (I don’t know what it is about swimming but I always need the loo when I get out of the water!). After exciting the cubicle a woman in the toilets said, “I really love your swim suit, its such a lovely colour and really suits you” You have no idea what this did for me, as this suit is a blue floral pattern but its rather bright. I like it because it has a little skirt to try and hide wobbly bits.

We then proceeded to have a conversation about swim suits and where to buy the best ones from, and for me it was nice as I wasn’t expecting it at all.

 

Welcome to Disappoinment

Have you ever made plans with some one, and despite best efforts they have to change/alter them and you feel really annoyed by this.

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Trying to lose weight on your own is at best difficult, but I’m the only person in my house doing it, my partner can eat like there is honestly no tomorrow and because I live with my Gran who actually needs extra calories some times it just feel’s like I’m hitting my head off the wall…in fact at times that might be easier option than trying to feed different people the meals they need/want.

I was really happy as on Friday night because my partner came swimming with me. I’ve set my self the target of trying to do some sort of activity everyday. It does not need to be really challenging but just to move my body. The plan was when he finished work on the Saturday to go for a bike ride. Now I am getting adventurous, I don’t just want to keep riding round the same places…have bike rack will travel.

So Saturday I sat, thinking should I go out and go for a walk, as it was a nice day – I spent the day doing washing and making candles. My partner text saying he needed to nip to his garage for a hour, this was at 3:30pm, at 5:30pm he came in and said a bike ride wasn’t happening. Well…..How do you hide your disappointment,  I’d been envisioning a nice ride along the River Tees or through the woods or park. I got a trip to the headland.  Which then impacted on what I ate as I was unhappy = junk food!

The weekend only got worse from that point on to be honest, maybe it was my mood as I was unhappy from Saturday night, but Sunday took a horrid turn, birthday present shopping and my other half went in a bit of a strop with people walking in front of him, or stopping and his brother being a numpty, and I got it all took out on me.

So now what? Its Monday and I’m debating going swimming tonight just to make myself feel better.