Introvert?

Its not that I hate people, but most of the time I cant stand to be around them. I would rather be in the garden or with a select few people than out drinking or in a crowd. I honestly never use to be like this and I have no idea what changed but I can think of nothing worse than the examples mentioned above.

So it was my Mother in Law to be’s 60th birthday tonight and I adore her, she has took me into her family as one of her own,  and we where going out for a meal. Now this is something me, my partner and his parents do on a regular basis, but his brother and his partner would be joining us.

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I always feel like the fat poor relation in comparison to her, and I know I shouldn’t compare because we are honestly nothing alike but its hard not to. I live in knee length shorts or jeans, I usually have mud or engine oil under my nails from helping the other half with a car, not perfectly manicured nails, tan and hair perfectly done. Don’t get me wrong I scrub up well, I straighten my hair and my make up is always tasteful, but I just feel like  a bit of a failure as a girl. But the girl with the muck under her nails and who lives in shorts and no make up is the girl my other half fell for, not some made up version.

Its a weird scenario going for dinner with couples who have been together for a significant amount of time and know each other, as they always have lots of stories and things to discuss with each other, which means that you as the “youngest” couple end up kinda on the outside – is it rude if we just sit and talk to each other, when we are not being included in the conversation, and its about things that we don’t know /care about?

I had steak, jacket potato and beans, lots of beans….don’t sit next to me tomorrow.  I normally have salad with it, and a small side of beans but they had no salad….how can a resturant run out of salad?? could nobody nip to Tesco??? it was nice though and I had a 1/4 of a peice of garlic bread, but it was greasy and floury so after 2 bites I didnt want any more – I no longer like greasy. I avoided the cake, but again not a big cake eater and had some fruit when we got in and felt better for this. I would of loved salad though, with the steak or chicken breast but no such luck so I had to make the best choices from a very chip heavy menu.

 

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Welcome to Disappoinment

Have you ever made plans with some one, and despite best efforts they have to change/alter them and you feel really annoyed by this.

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Trying to lose weight on your own is at best difficult, but I’m the only person in my house doing it, my partner can eat like there is honestly no tomorrow and because I live with my Gran who actually needs extra calories some times it just feel’s like I’m hitting my head off the wall…in fact at times that might be easier option than trying to feed different people the meals they need/want.

I was really happy as on Friday night because my partner came swimming with me. I’ve set my self the target of trying to do some sort of activity everyday. It does not need to be really challenging but just to move my body. The plan was when he finished work on the Saturday to go for a bike ride. Now I am getting adventurous, I don’t just want to keep riding round the same places…have bike rack will travel.

So Saturday I sat, thinking should I go out and go for a walk, as it was a nice day – I spent the day doing washing and making candles. My partner text saying he needed to nip to his garage for a hour, this was at 3:30pm, at 5:30pm he came in and said a bike ride wasn’t happening. Well…..How do you hide your disappointment,  I’d been envisioning a nice ride along the River Tees or through the woods or park. I got a trip to the headland.  Which then impacted on what I ate as I was unhappy = junk food!

The weekend only got worse from that point on to be honest, maybe it was my mood as I was unhappy from Saturday night, but Sunday took a horrid turn, birthday present shopping and my other half went in a bit of a strop with people walking in front of him, or stopping and his brother being a numpty, and I got it all took out on me.

So now what? Its Monday and I’m debating going swimming tonight just to make myself feel better.

21 Meals

Some on in our group once compared meals to flowers, that if you had 21 flowers in a vase and 1 died, you would not throw the bunch away. So, there is 21 meals in a week, and if you mess up, you don’t continue eating like that all week, you just get back on plan at the next meal.

This is how I like to think of eating. I take each meal as it comes. I was completely off plan on Sunday, mainly because I was out for the day in the middle of the country side and some times finding something that is SW friendly to eat can be a bit of a pain. The answer to this was just to pick the best of the bunch and then be back on plan as soon as I can be. If I do not loose this week, well I am not all that bothered, I’ve had lovely family time and enjoyed myself.

I’m also rather happy because I have one appointment left with the health trainer and then I can be signed off, I just don’t gel with the woman. She does not seem to have much of a sense of humour or want to engage in conversation. But they have just changed the rules for the tablets and you have to see a health trainer to get them, so need to see the nurse because I have done the 12 weeks. Also its a tad annoying being weighed at the health trainer every week, slimming world every week and then once a month at the nurse. I honestly feel that I am constantly on the scales!

 

Lethargy

I seem to be a great suffer of this at the moment.

Add to it a unhealthy dose of procrastination and you have a recipe for disaster.

I’ve quit slimming world, I did not mean to do this, it was not a concious plan – and I know that excuses are not healthy but I had Uni work which I have always prioritised over everything as I get a one shot at my education. So I missed a couple of weeks, I was keeping a eye on my weight and what I was eating but the late nights working on assignments was killing me and there is only so much fruit a girl can eat. I then had issues with actually getting to group as the times changed. My group was prefect because it started at 1pm, which meant that when I woke up at 11am-12pm after working nights  I could get there.

But the group was moved to 9am, and 10:30 both of which are just not feasible, I do have to sleep! I’ve looked at other groups but they are when I am at uni or work. Its kinda a catch 22.

So I’ve kinda stumbled into a new healthy lifestyle plan which I will discuss in another post, I’ve also decided to take up yoga, Im not sure about this as with dyspraxia I have no balance so it could end up with a trip to A+E.

I’ve took up a new hobby, my boyfriend and parents bought me a DSLR camera for xmas, but this means I’ve been getting out and about taking photos and walking. I love walking- dont love hills much, but so far we’ve been to York, Hull, Scarborough,  and various locations around where I live. I cant wait for the weather to improve to be out more.

Hope to hear from some of you soon,

LMC

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Checking In,

Sorry about the absence of late, I would like to say I have been busy but that’s not the case in the conventional sense of busy.   I’ve just been I dunno dithering. It took me a whole week to do the weekly clothes wash, that’s not me it’s usually done in a day. Same with the cleaning, I’m normally little miss house proud but lately I’d rather not be at home. There are reasons for this but at the moment I can’t face them.

Slimming world…well I’ve been trying to stick to the plan but to be honest I cant say that I’ve been 100% committed. I have lost 3lbs over the last 2 weeks, but I am not sure how? But have you guys seen the new magazine and the calendar that comes with it? I love slimming world calendars as they show lovely pictures of tempting food that is seasonal, they are recipes that you want to eat. I’ve made loads out of this years calendar let alone the magazines 🙂 and I am so excited  for next year to try the recipes in there. As for this months mag it is full of scrummy food that I cant wait to try. I cant say I have been totally adventurous in the kitchen the last couple of weeks, its kinda been the same food that I have cooked before.

I have gotten good and started to freeze leftover stew and soup so that on nights like tonight when I cant be bothered to cook, I can simply defrost a bag and have that for my tea. Tonight’s offering is Beef stew on a jacket potato – simple but full of free and super free foods so a good filling tea and no syns. They are also good when your busy because you dont have to worry about finding something to eat.

Oh I have found something cool to eat. Let me present the Walls Gingerbread Sandwich. I have worked these out to 8 1/2 sysn but they are rather big and they are lovely. I cant eat a lot of dairy so these for me are the right amount but they are not small and because they are so full of flavour you dont mind that they are not huge. The box cost me £2 for 4, and they where worth every penny.

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I have also calculated out that I am currently 3lbs of my 1 & 1/2 stone award so I am trying, and I have my Christmas present to my self to consider, I’m 9lbs off it with 9 weigh ins left. So I need to give my head a wobble and get on track. Its now 11months to my graduation so unless I want that tent, I need to get a shift on.

Eating Your Emotions

This post has taken me a few days to write, I don’t know why. Maybe its because I have to deal with my emotions which is something I’m not good at or simply because I don’t want to deal with the problem at all.

Eating your emotions is not big, and its not clever.

Its what I did this weekend, and I am really not proud of my self.

I have come to realise over the years when I am about to start eating due to an emotional trigger, but this weekend it just got away from me and before I knew it I was eating a scone with cream (not a clever idea when your  lactose intolerant.) Following that, later on Saturday evening I shared a mixed kebab with the other half. Not quite content on limiting the damage to one day, I had another cream scone on Sunday evening.

Part of the issue of this weekend,  stems from the fact that my gran doesn’t seem to much like my other half.  But we don’t know if this is down to medication or just not liking him. This weeks problem probably started earlier in the week when I booked a table at a local restaurant for afternoon tea for 3, and a separate meal for me.  I asked repeatedly everyday if it was ok if he joined us, but come Saturday morning when he arrived to come with us she went into a mood, we decided to go any way but once at the restaurant she refused to speak to any one and continued along this line with refusals of a drink or something to eat. The waitress was coming over to ask for my order and I had to ask for more time as we continued to try and get her to take part in the meal.

In the end she wouldn’t.

I had to tell the waitress that she was unwell and that I would pay for the afternoon teas. Luckily the woman was very understanding and offered to box the teas up for us. When we got home, it ended up with me having to agree that on the weekends when we go out it will just be me, her and my mum as she seems to think we have an entourage, which has upset my other half no end because we have only just managed to organise his work so that he has weekends off. Also because I’m my grandmothers carer, I spend a lot of my time with her.

I’m devastated, I feel like I have been made to chose between him or her, I’m having to split my time between the two of them.  Also my parents are not here every weekend which means I dont time off every weekend so him being able to come out during the day with us was lovely because it meant I could see him. unfortunately I cant put my needs/wants before hers as its not fair to her.  I can understand that she is worried that she may be left if I ever decided to marry ect but that’s never been in my plans. I cant live in a situation where either of them is deeply unhappy though. I am hoping that once they have altered some medications the situation might be come more amicable.

But I didn’t deal with this situation well, I ate. Usually I clean when I’m upset, unhappy, or feel like I want to eat. But no amount of cleaning would save this situation. At one point in the day I felt that down I just wanted to be sick. What I cant get my head around is that she could be so nasty. I know the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

I have spent all this week trying to undo my emotional eating but well not sure how I have faired until Thursday but I have been eating my super free. I have been doing things on the PC this week and have had fruit in front of me to stop me snacking on crap, hopefully limiting the damage. I’m still trying to eat my anger and unhappiness, but I keep reigning my self back. Might go stand on the sea front and scream. It wont do any good but it might make me feel better.