Just Remove Me From The Picture.

So although I stay at my Grans to provide care, I actually live with my mum and dad,  my room is still there with all my stuff and I stay there occasionally if I’m not staying with my partner.

The issue of this post though is that for the last few months my brother has being pestering me to swap rooms because I have the bigger room. I finally gave up and said OK, so my lovely dad measured up for shelves and a wardrobe, as mine would be left behind because it is huge.

I went to my mums on Tuesday to begin to sort out my room and my mum was helping as and when she could (she was dealing with my gran and cleaning) well by the time my dad had come in at 3pm I was in tears. Not only had I sorted through 2 cupboards but I couldn’t face moving room. I was being forced by my brother to chuck out things that are special and sentimental to me so that he could move room. The really annoying thing is that until he got a girl friend he didn’t even want my room! I honestly felt like I was being chucked out of my own home, at which point my parents said that I was staying put.

While sorting through any amounts of junk, I found a size 14 top….yes i used to be that small at one point. I also found some old jeans that are tiny and its hard to believe that I used to be that small. And photos…lots of photos, me with a flat stomach and showing my arms freely- let alone being photographed, I know where I started to gain weight, about 19/20 ish and these are before then, and I’m happy smiling and clearly loving life. There is even one of me in a bikini top, couldn’t believe that one! I will find the photos again and post some of them.

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Welcome to Disappoinment

Have you ever made plans with some one, and despite best efforts they have to change/alter them and you feel really annoyed by this.

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Trying to lose weight on your own is at best difficult, but I’m the only person in my house doing it, my partner can eat like there is honestly no tomorrow and because I live with my Gran who actually needs extra calories some times it just feel’s like I’m hitting my head off the wall…in fact at times that might be easier option than trying to feed different people the meals they need/want.

I was really happy as on Friday night because my partner came swimming with me. I’ve set my self the target of trying to do some sort of activity everyday. It does not need to be really challenging but just to move my body. The plan was when he finished work on the Saturday to go for a bike ride. Now I am getting adventurous, I don’t just want to keep riding round the same places…have bike rack will travel.

So Saturday I sat, thinking should I go out and go for a walk, as it was a nice day – I spent the day doing washing and making candles. My partner text saying he needed to nip to his garage for a hour, this was at 3:30pm, at 5:30pm he came in and said a bike ride wasn’t happening. Well…..How do you hide your disappointment,  I’d been envisioning a nice ride along the River Tees or through the woods or park. I got a trip to the headland.  Which then impacted on what I ate as I was unhappy = junk food!

The weekend only got worse from that point on to be honest, maybe it was my mood as I was unhappy from Saturday night, but Sunday took a horrid turn, birthday present shopping and my other half went in a bit of a strop with people walking in front of him, or stopping and his brother being a numpty, and I got it all took out on me.

So now what? Its Monday and I’m debating going swimming tonight just to make myself feel better.

7lbs

It has been yet another long while since I have posted. Not because I am not following slimming world, or not wanting to write, there has been so much I could have wrote about but life just repeatedly gets in the way.

So thought I would give you a bit of a update on my journey:

I am currently 1&1/2 stone lighter having got my award this week. I am really pleased with my self, for continuing my journey but I expected that it would be quicker. that I would be at least 3 stone lighter by now. The only person I can “blame” for my lack of weight loss is my self, but I’m not going to do that because we weeks where I have had a gain there have always been a reason for it. Not just because I sat and gorged my face. The thing is I am getting there, when I started this journey I was heavier, unhappier, and every lb off is a good thing, an amazing thing.

Me and my partner have been together a year, we celebrated it this weekend, we had a lovely Slimming world Chicken Tikka curry, and Steak and Jacket potatoes to celebrate. We did go out for food during the course of the weekend but all my choices where good choices and ate lots of fruit during the weekend, this is different to other weekend where I struggle when we are out and about to eat my superfree. I am happy, which means my weight loss is working well. I cant wait to see what the next year brings for us as a couple and I am really looking forward to Christmas this year, last year we didnt give each other gifts as we hadn’t been together very long, but this year we are going Christmas crazy.

I also bought myself a Christmas present, in the black Friday weekend sales (BTW those things are just stupid, people getting injured for a cheap telly, give ya head a shake!)  but I had been considering getting a new fitness tracker as the necklace to my shine keeps breaking, and pushing a wheel chair it doesn’t record my activity on my wrist. So a bit of research later and a chat with the nice lady in the Apple shop, I had purchased a JAWBONE UP24 from boots for £50, which is half price and I have to say that I am really impressed with it. Not sure about sleeping with it on, but then I cant sleep with a necklace on so its nothing really different. I will give you a update once I have worn it for a little bit. Its safe to say that I am going for my 2ST award before Christmas, I want that baby. Its 7lbs and i’ve got 3 weigh ins. So lets go!

LMC

XXX

Eating Your Emotions

This post has taken me a few days to write, I don’t know why. Maybe its because I have to deal with my emotions which is something I’m not good at or simply because I don’t want to deal with the problem at all.

Eating your emotions is not big, and its not clever.

Its what I did this weekend, and I am really not proud of my self.

I have come to realise over the years when I am about to start eating due to an emotional trigger, but this weekend it just got away from me and before I knew it I was eating a scone with cream (not a clever idea when your  lactose intolerant.) Following that, later on Saturday evening I shared a mixed kebab with the other half. Not quite content on limiting the damage to one day, I had another cream scone on Sunday evening.

Part of the issue of this weekend,  stems from the fact that my gran doesn’t seem to much like my other half.  But we don’t know if this is down to medication or just not liking him. This weeks problem probably started earlier in the week when I booked a table at a local restaurant for afternoon tea for 3, and a separate meal for me.  I asked repeatedly everyday if it was ok if he joined us, but come Saturday morning when he arrived to come with us she went into a mood, we decided to go any way but once at the restaurant she refused to speak to any one and continued along this line with refusals of a drink or something to eat. The waitress was coming over to ask for my order and I had to ask for more time as we continued to try and get her to take part in the meal.

In the end she wouldn’t.

I had to tell the waitress that she was unwell and that I would pay for the afternoon teas. Luckily the woman was very understanding and offered to box the teas up for us. When we got home, it ended up with me having to agree that on the weekends when we go out it will just be me, her and my mum as she seems to think we have an entourage, which has upset my other half no end because we have only just managed to organise his work so that he has weekends off. Also because I’m my grandmothers carer, I spend a lot of my time with her.

I’m devastated, I feel like I have been made to chose between him or her, I’m having to split my time between the two of them.  Also my parents are not here every weekend which means I dont time off every weekend so him being able to come out during the day with us was lovely because it meant I could see him. unfortunately I cant put my needs/wants before hers as its not fair to her.  I can understand that she is worried that she may be left if I ever decided to marry ect but that’s never been in my plans. I cant live in a situation where either of them is deeply unhappy though. I am hoping that once they have altered some medications the situation might be come more amicable.

But I didn’t deal with this situation well, I ate. Usually I clean when I’m upset, unhappy, or feel like I want to eat. But no amount of cleaning would save this situation. At one point in the day I felt that down I just wanted to be sick. What I cant get my head around is that she could be so nasty. I know the reasoning behind it but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

I have spent all this week trying to undo my emotional eating but well not sure how I have faired until Thursday but I have been eating my super free. I have been doing things on the PC this week and have had fruit in front of me to stop me snacking on crap, hopefully limiting the damage. I’m still trying to eat my anger and unhappiness, but I keep reigning my self back. Might go stand on the sea front and scream. It wont do any good but it might make me feel better.

 

 

Oh So Tired.

I was really hoping that my B12 injection would work wonders and that I would feel warm, my nails would stop breaking, along with my hair and I would more than anything stop feeling like I need a nanna nap constantly.

Guess what?

It didnt work.

I am constantly tired still but I think this is more due to the fact that I am currently running around after both my mum and gran, usually one is bad enough! But at least its exercise? I never seem to sit down, if I’m not washing something, I’m getting something or cooking something or cleaning something up. I dont mean this as in a normal house work type way but in a looking after 2 grown women type way. Today I had a hospital appointment and a GP appointment as well as the weekly shop and this all meant lugging the wheel chair in and out of the car as well as manoeuvring it around the places.

Today, my lovely other half cooked me steak and actifry wedges for tea, having told me to bring salad with me and it was lovely 🙂 I really love some one cooking my tea for me and it was more special because someone was looking after me, even if it was as simple as making my tea. He’s a lovely man my other half, not only because he puts up with me but because he has turned into an amazing chef.

So weigh in is on Thursday and I dont know what to expect, I’m hoping for a loss, this way I will be happy no matter what the outcome.

Good Things

Good things come to those who wait, isn’t that what they say? Well I’ve been waiting a very very long time. Tomorrow I go away for the weekend with my boyfriend for the weekend, this is the first time we have properly gone away on our own. Not to visit family or friends ect, but just the two of us, together. I’m rather excited about it, we are going to York for the day on Saturday, and out for tea tomorrow night.

There is more good news, though today while at my class I got a surprise phone call from one of the lads at uni, he was asking me if I knew that our uni results had been published. This came as a bit of a shocker. 

Due to the fact that our lecturer went on sick leave from October till March and the substitute didn’t start till November, then we ended up with 2 of them, with our original leaving at the end of April with the substitute thinking he had taught us the assignment work, and vice versa. Needless to say no one had and the uni had to extend our assignment because we couldn’t practically do it, we didn’t have the skill set. This means that 2 of our 4 units have been deferred till the summer boards sit in September and we don’t get re-sits, but we were all expecting to get our results then. So the phone call today came as a bit of a shock as. 

Well, I got weighed and turns out that I’d need not worry because I had lost 2 lbs, taking my total to 9lbs in 4 weeks and I got my Bronze body magic award today so I was super happy. I’m going to stay on plan while I’m away over the weekend as I dont want 2 nights away to possibly undo some of my good work. I had to sit through group like a excited child at christmas, when all I wanted to do was check my results!

 

Proud!

Proud!

 When I finally got home and managed to log on to the uni systems ( have you noticed, you only ever have trouble getting in when you really need to be in, in a hurry!) I found my result and it turned out that I had got 66 in one module and 80 in the other. To say that I was ecstatic would be a understatement.

I have to wait till possibly the end of September to get the rest of my results but just to know that I was able to complete those modules with those grades has given me hopes that I will be complete the other 2 with either the same if not better. 

The Little Things

Its said in a relationship that its the little things that make you fall in love, and its true. 

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 8 months and we said “I love you” when it was appropriate, but even now every day I fall more and more in love with him. 

We are not a flashy showy couple, we don’t do big romantic gestures – he doesn’t turn up at my door with flowers (I’d ask him what he had been up to if he did!) and I don’t buy him gifts ect but we do do nice little things for each other. 

Friday night I went to the supermarket and bought some nice steak for tea tonight, I told him of this and he said he would get some bits and bobs to go with it. This morning he text me to ask me if I wanted anything from the supermarket as he was popping there, and the next thing I knew he text me to say that he had bought us something lovely for dessert. When he picked me up, he had a really cheeky happy look on his face as though he was up to something – which instantly gets a girl suspicious- turn out he had bought this lactose intolerant girl Alpro Soya Single Cream 🙂

So as we are sitting down to eat our dessert after the lovely steak that he had cooked for us, I ended up in tears because he had bought me Soya Cream!  No man has ever done any thing that nice for me.