1/2 St & Food Challenge

I got the shock of my life today at group today, I stood on the scales and they said I had lost 3.5lbs which meant that I got my 1/2 st award.

I was totally not expecting this, more along the lines of 1lbs, not that I have eaten badly or not followed the plan, but my body is just all over the place at the moment. I have had to take a break from  my contraceptive due medical advice and its really effecting me, which is why last week I only lost 1lbs. because of it. so I could have 3 more weeks of this! Not looking forward to that at all

In the mean time I had decided that I am going to try to eat a different food each week that I normally wouldnt eat, by this I mean something I may say I don’t like or I’m “allergic” too, so this week I am going to eat tomatoes. Normally I will pick them out of the food, and leave them on the side but this week I am adding them to food. I started them tonight by adding them to salad and they where actually not that bad.

Next week I might try plums.

 

Perfection?

I have realised just how much of a perfectionist I am over this last week, and how that is impacting my life in a variety of ways. 

My weigh-in last Thursday only produced a 1/2lb loss, which was disappointing to say the least, I’d followed my plan 100% so the little perfectionist in me expected at least 2lbs, not a measly 1/2lb! I could of cried with frustration. 

The weekend has presented another challenge as I have spent from Friday baking and decorating a christening cake for a christening on Sunday, which I was a guest at, which then meant buffet food there after. So not only have I been surrounded by cake, I also was faced by buffet food!. But my inner perfectionist escaped again, baking a cake in 30 degree heat is an experience, you can ride it out and bake late at night with fans on ect to make the kitchen as cool as possible, but when it comes to decorating your kinda stuck. The fondant would not stick to the cake, and then the cake was moving once it did stick! 

Once we had the cake on the cake board with it was no longer square but more like a squished square, which considering I was making a toy box, kinda worked. But me being me I hated it, It didn’t look like should in my head, I didn’t want to give it to them, if I had had sufficient time I would of made it again. 

It was given as a present, and although the recipient said that they loved the cake and that it was amazing, not one photograph of the cake has appeared on social media sites from the day, not that I want one too, but I would have liked to have been thanked. 

What I am noticing is that I am also a perfectionist that I have to follow the slimming world plan 100%, that I’m miserable when it doesn’t work, but how far will I allow my perfectionism to go? 

Reasons

So, I have been mentally compiling this list in my head for a couple of days and thought I would share it with you all, please feel free to comment any thing you feel I may have missed. These are not health reasons just things I’ve been thinking about lately.

Reasons to lose weight

• Because in the heat it is awful – your sweaty and red and feel disgusting
• So when you go to the Dr’s they can use the normal blood pressure cuff with out having to swap it over to the large cuff
• To be able to go shopping and just pick clothes up off the rail and know they will fit
• To be able to “Just squeeze past” some one with out them having to move 4 paces
• To wear shorts in summer with out looking weird
• So my skinny jeans are actually skinny not a huge version of skinny
• To consider wearing high heels, men you may want to consider this also, its a personal choice but i’ve only ever wore flats and I would love to wear heels
• Being able to complete our work with out fear of how we look
• So when in the supermarket people don’t look in the basket trolley just to see whats in there, just to make sure its healthy enough
• So a normal towel fits, not a bath sheet that is massive and weighs a ton when wet
• So I can buy tops with arms in and they fit
• So trousers don’t come with elastic in them, reminding me of old peoples clothes.

There are probably loads more I could add, but for now that will do, feel free to add any….

 

First Week

Yesterday was my first weigh in at Slimming World, and I was apprehensive to say the least, all I have done all week is eat, eat and eat a bit more. I have never felt so full in my life, but it was a good full, not a “bloated I’ve over eaten don’t want to move for a month” full.

So come 1pm I went off to group, with my bottle of water and stood on the scales and low and behold it said I had lost 3lbs. Now I was hoping for 2lbs so I was over the moon with 3!

So for next week, well I’ll just aim for a loss and see how far I get, but I noticed a change in my self, last time I did SW, when I had a loss I would get take away that night to celebrate because well in my mind it warranted it, last night  I went swimming, came home and had beans on toast with bacon (fat removed) and the finished off the salad I had left over from lunch. I was happy with that.

I also wanted to show you guys my project that I spent yesterday afternoon creating. Over the last couple of months I have acquired numerous spices but keeping them in the little packets is becoming a bit of a nightmare and not really good for them so I bought some little jars from a local shop and created these:

Pretty nifty eh? I got 6 jars for £5, and I can always go back and get more as I expand my spices but I am really really pleased with them. 

The Other Half Is Cooking….

Wednesday night is date night, we used to go out to the cinema or for food but it was getting a bit same old same old, that plus the fact my other half can often not finish work till gone 7pm, while I can not get home from university till well past this was making it a long day, followed by a long night.

So we decided that we would simply switch to cooking – this is something that we both love doing, and it saves us a fortune, but it also allows us to eat healthier food!

Well last night while wandering around the supermarket after swimming he asked me what I fancied for my tea tonight, my instant reply was of course “STEAK!” so some lovely steak was bought and tonight his challenge commenced….cooking it!

 

Normally I kinda hover, at his insistence because he will admit he is not a brilliant cook, but this is a meal we have made together loads of times so this evening, I took up residence on the sofa with my iPad looking for spice jars once all the vegetable chopping had been completed. Now my lovely other half did not disappoint.

I got steak cooked how I like it 🙂 with onions and peppers, and actifry wedges, and the salad that i had brought to go along side it and it was totally yummy 🙂 It was nice for him to completely cook my tea, I got to find the bits and bobs on the internet that I wanted. I cant wait for next week to see what is for tea 🙂

Swimming….

So tonight me and my other half went swimming for the first time – there was many firsts tonight:

1) Our first adult swim session

2) Our first time swimming as a couple

3) Our first time exercising as a couple.

Adult swimming is a bit of a experience, they have lanes, and you have to swim anti clock wise. Now I cant even walk in a straight line so swimming in one is a bit of a challenge, but my main problem is that I’m slow, I personally dont mind this, its not a race, but it was at times disheartening to see people repeatedly taking over me. I know with time and my weight loss that I will get faster so that will be progress.

Exercising as a couple is something that is requiring an adjustment period. I have asthma, I’ve had it since childhood and have many many triggers but the warm weather we are experiencing at the moment topped of with trying to exercise is just compounding matters. I have a bit of a complex, my boyfriend knows I have asthma, but people – the general public – dont. All they see is another fat girl that is too big to exercise. Well even though I know he doesn’t see this, I think he does and it makes me wonder why he is with me? does he just see some fat unfit heffalump?

So going swimming again next week…hopefully I will get more laps done then.

 

 

Planning

Well, I went back to slimming world.

I had to, I point blank refuse to graduate from university in a tent. I’m not getting up on that stage in a cap and gown looking like I’ve borrowed my gown from go outdoors camping section. I got roughly a year, I dont expect to be a size 8 and stunning, but well a couple of dress sizes smaller would be really brilliant. I figured that since I have the whole summer to get into the swing of things before returning to uni I would use this time wisely.

So I am currently sat surrounded by cooking books planning meals out. Meal planning has never been a strong point for me, I’m the type of girl who buys food in has a rough plan- goes to the fridge and cooks 🙂  I just say plan uni assignments!

But I thought I would give it a bash, thus far I’ve got Lemon and Herb Chicken, Quick Chicken Pasta Salad and Jerk Chicken. I seem to like poultry. Part of the problem I have is that I spend most of my day out of the house – I eat out a lot for lunch, always trying to pick the best options  but I want to change that so hoping the planning  will reduce this.

How does everyone else plan? do they plan?

Leftovers Part 2

I didn’t plan to write this tonight, I was actually coming to give an update on my little journey, but I was asked to expand so I thought I would. This is going to be a long post, with background information…..so sorry in advance for putting you all to sleep…

When I was 23, I developed an extraordinary friendship with a Dutch guy who I met through World of Warcraft, he couldn’t get his team speak working so being a good guild officer that I was, I offered to help. Well it was one of those conversations that once you start talking you just cant stop – I remember the date the 15th of September. I wouldn’t believe him that he was only 21 because his voice was far too deep. The conversation started at about 7pm GMT (8PM CET) and ended about 4am, simply because I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

The next night the conversation resumed, just liked we had never been to bed, and work in separate countries. Neither of us where encouraging anything we simply just could not stop talking about music, art, books, cultural differences, our homes and families, the days we had had, our hopes, dreams and plans for the future.

This began to happen night after night, nothing was out-of-bounds between us and most of what we talked about was utter drivel but we managed to fill hours, long hours. The longest conversation we had on Skype was over 12 hours long, and I kid you not we where present for each one of them. We fell asleep most nights talking to each other on Skype.  We emailed or messaged constantly through the day as well about stupid things – I worked in a location with no signal so had to leave my phone on a windowsill where I got reception and used to jump like a school girl when I got a message. I still have all the emails in a folder in my inbox – yet another leftover I’ve not brought myself to rid myself of. I can’t bring myself to read them.

We eventually decided to take the slightly reckless decision to meet, being young safety gets thrown out of the window at times. Holland is roughly an hour from England, and we had spent that long talking to each other it felt natural to just want to have a conversation in person. So flights were booked, hotels were arranged and I was off to Holland for a long weekend.

It was magical, he was late….. now I’ve been to Schiphol Airport before, but I simply got off my plane and got on a train, but this time I wandered around for an hour, thinking “OMG, he’s not coming!” turns out there was traffic, it happens at 8am in any country, who knew?

It was slightly awkward at first, because we had spent that long talking (I mean hours wise) we didn’t know what to say to each other or how to act around one another. Being stuck in a car on the drive into Amsterdam soon solved that, as I was a nervous wreck being on the wrong side of the road. We spent the day wandering around Amsterdam, visiting the Rijksmuseum, the little shops and a lovely restaurant for our tea. The next day upon returning to the car, we found a parking ticket on it…funny how things stick in your mind. We spent the day at a theme park and the following day watching movies, before I flew home, but here is where it gets interesting.

During the Godfather, which I had never seen before, we were laid on the sofa and he kissed me, I was slightly shocked but it felt right and I kissed him back. It wasn’t like they say time stopped as I was that shocked my head was spinning, nothing was said we just continued watching the film.

The drive to the airport was horrible, I didn’t want to go home and he didn’t want me to go but there was no way to stay and no plan. It was pouring down with rain, a really miserable grey day one of those depressing days. When he dropped me off he pulled up outside and stopped the car and we said good-bye in the car before getting out and when we did I was drenched with in a minuet and in the pouring rain on a cold day in Holland he kissed me again, before he got in the car and drove away. I walked into the air port crying, god knows what they thought of me.

When I got home, we continued like we had been for a months, planning our next adventure, continuing our conversations and emails during the day. On Christmas eve here in England it snowed, my car was covered in a thick layer of snow and I went out and wrote happy Xmas on it before taking a photo and sending it to him and his family. But slowly in the new year something had changed, he had gone skiing for the New Year and this meant family time, something I knew he was never comfortable with. On his return he was changed, he was never around much any more and didn’t reply to my emails or messages or if he did it would take days. I tried not to read too much into this as I knew he was also busy at work but I knew there was something wrong.

One evening when we did finally manage to have a conversation, it was mentioned that his family where not happy with the situation something to do with me being  English. Not much I can do about that, my parents where not overly enthused but as long as I was happy that was all that mattered to them. After that all conversations stopped. Full stop.

It broke me, I’d lost my best friend,I actually cried my self to sleep most night’s, I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like a fight with other friends where some one has actually done something wrong or has been perceived to have done something. Short of hopping on a plane I couldn’t fix this, and I didn’t know if I did that, would he speak to me? Would he be allowed to?

I missed him, I missed the daft conversations, the silly messages during the day – his terrible jokes, there where things I wanted to say to him, ask his opinion on but I had no way of doing this. One night I hit upon the idea of creating an email address that I could write to, I could write down all the things I wanted to say, to ask and put it out there. Although I would not get a reply, it was better than nothing, and surprisingly as I was writing I could hear his reply in my head. Some months I would send multiple emails and then go months with out one.

I’ve been writing for 2/3 years on and off now – I don’t specifically write to him any more it’s now more of email address just for me to vent at, although sometimes I do ask for and opinion or tell him about seeing our favorite band, I sent uploaded the video footage. I know I need to stop, but I can’t because I don’t know why our friendship ended so abruptly. I need to clear out the email address of the emails as they are pointless, just a snapshot of moments in time be it happy or sad, and if I read them it’s not going to change anything.

I have only once emailed him since, when I really needed a friend about 3 years ago. He didn’t even read it.

Sorry to the 2 OAPS…

So I have lots to tell you all, and I think that the most coherent way to do it is to start at the beginning other wise I will just get myself all jumbled up and this post will make no sense at all. The title will also become apparent as we go on.

On an update to the work out clothing issue, I nipped up to a retail park area that has designer outlets in it, one such outlet being Adidas well…Adidas I both love and hate you in equal measures. Your sizing is brilliant, you go all the way up to a 22! woo fantastic! so I took my size 20, thinking nah they will never fit me – given that the nikes didn’t. Well they did fit, they where even big on me 🙂 but i had 2 metres of material swimming around my ankles, now 5’4 so I’m guessing your dressing giant women…..but at least I know when I go through my late 20’s growth spurt where I can come to.

 

Next up is that I beat my Shine! Just over a week ago I bought a Misfit Shine off Amazon, thinking that if I paid a fortune for a gadget I would have to a) use it, b) it would help me motivate. Well it turned up on Thursday and after a couple of days of getting used to it and how it works, I beat it on Sunday, the previous couple of days I had managed to get pretty close to beating it so I was doing my happy dance 🙂 But it is making me want to beat it, I want to fill its little circle thingy up and get a trophy on the screen. My plan is to consistently beat it and then up the level and to keep doing this.

 

Finally, in an effort to beat my shine, I decided to go for a walk along Seaton sea front today, so I am toddling along walking at a good pace when I suddenly felt the urge to run/jog. Never before has this urge took over me so I decided to give into it and jog, well off i went….I don’t know who was laughing more me or the two old bloke sat on a bench. Bless them they where really trying not to laugh but I was really a sight. I just can’t run/jog….. Next time I get this urge dont worry I will consider your heart complications and just continue walking 🙂

 

 

Judging…..

I’d like to talk about how I perceived someone today, but before I do, I’d like to state that I’m not a bitch. I may have the odd moment as your about to find out but I’m not inherently a nasty person, I was brought up that if you cant do some one a good turn, don’t do them a bad one.

Today while driving through town I saw a young girl walking hand in hand with I’m going to say her boyfriend and she looked happy, but all i could think about was “Please say I’m not as big as her, she is massive!” I immediately felt horrible about it, myself. I don’t even know this girl and I’m judging her, I’d hate for some one to judge me in that way yet here I was doing it to a perfect stranger who’s walking happily down the street while I’m sat in the car.

The point im getting towards though is as human beings we all do this, we all judge one another on some level, be it the size we are, what car we drive, what job we do. Is it not about time we stop doing it? cant we just have one day off from judging?